Why haven’t I written my closing
paper on leaving the mission field yet? Why am I putting it off and avoiding
it? Why do I consider not even writing one all together? Because once I do, it
will become official in my heart and mind. I have lived my life trying to avoid
sadness and pain, but sometimes these feelings are necessary, and it’s okay.
I
have been living in Costa Rica for the last 6 months. It seems to outsiders
like I have been on a great vacation going to the beach and having adventures,
but no one knows my heart besides the Lord. No one knows the wild changes that
have taken place in my personal life behind the scenes, behind the cameras,
behind closed doors, in my very small bedroom in my 2-room apartment.
Sure,
God has done glamorous work on the outside of things. I have seen kids change
their demeanor as the love of Christ continually penetrates their hearts every
day. I have seen lovers of God being led in worship and sinners come to the
cross of life in repentance. I have seen mountains being moved in the lives of
my team-mates, as well as the mountains literally moving in the 7.6 earthquake
I experienced. As the ground all around me shook and I clung to Caitie and the
doorway to stay standing all I could think about was, “This is your power, O
God. Let it shake.” I have seen healing, and restoration, the fruit of
forgiveness and submission, and I have seen prayers being answered in
abundance. But what else has happened that one cannot simply see? We know from
Romans 1:20 that, “Since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities-
his eternal power and divine nature-have been clearly seen, being understood
from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.” But we also have
this. Hebrews 11:1- “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of
what we do not see.”
There
is a boy here named Gustavo. Now, Gustavo is beyond you’re average kid. Not
even 10 years old he spends most of his time at a neighbor’s house down the
street from his own, speed-riding bikes that are too big for his feet to reach
the pedals, throwing rocks and sticks with surprising force into the branches
of a mango tree to knock a fruit down, and terrorizing people younger than him,
older than him, smaller than him, and those twice his size. We can tell Gustavo
is outside because we hear his deep boisterous voice yelling at someone or
something, even when everyone is standing right next to him. He has one speed;
FAST, and he has one direction; CIRCLES. Like a lot of the other kids in the
Potter’s Field program, little Gusty (Which he made clear I was not allowed to
call him) has had a hard home life. He has trouble sitting still and quiet in
class, and even more trying to contain himself from beating up the other kids.
It has just become a part of his nature to fight, to yell, to demand, and to
disobey. In April, Caitie and I put up a sign on our fridge, “Pray for Gustavo
and family,” to remember to continue lifting them up to the Lord in our time
serving in Costa Rica.
Pastor
Mike and Pam and the Potter’s Field Ministry tour visited my home church in
May. My mom went with my family and some of her friends and at the end of the
service one of her friends, Robin, decided she wanted to help sponsor the
program. There were hundreds of pamphlets out on the sponsorship table, with
pictures of the Potter’s Field Kids from three different countries in sealed
envelopes waiting to be taken home by willing supporters. I received a message
from my mother on facebook within the next week, “Robin wanted to sponsor
Potter’s Field. Her prayer child is a boy named Gustavo, he’s from Costa Rica,
do you know him?” My heart jumped. Surely the Lord knows who needs prayer, and
surely He takes care of those who are being earnestly prayed for.
I
accept that I may never see the fruit of the work the Lord has done through me
here in Costa Rica. I may never see the final product of all of the memory
verses we ran through with Gustavo about the love of Christ for him, all of the
songs about the joy of the Lord that were taught, and all of the kindness we
were able to give through the power of the Holy Spirit. But we have a
declarative promise from the Lord in Isaiah 55:11 that encourages us, “So is my
word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will
accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.”
There
have been seeds sown here in the hearts of these little ones we’ve worked with,
in Costa Rica with my team as well as in Africa and El Salvador with the rest
of our 2012 ignite interns. These seeds will be watered as life goes on, and we
need to trust God and remember that He is before all things and in Him all
things hold together (Colossians 1:17). We think of the words of Paul in 1
Corinthians 3:7, “So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but
only God, who makes things grow.”
It
is hard to admit that this season in my life is coming to a quick close. It has
honestly been the fastest and longest
6 months of my life. Today, I look forward to the next year of my life. I have
no job, and a small amount of money. I get to see my God-loving, and
God-fearing, boyfriend in 7 days. Like me, as of now he has no money, and no
job. As of today he doesn’t even have a place to stay when we return home. I
have seen God’s power and faithfulness in situations such as this before, and
am eager to see them again. I have my Jesus, my rock and my salvation, and
therefore I have everything I need. Today, I am content within. I am excited
for the next chapter of my life because I only expect to see God work in
amazing ways. Even in the mundane, I pray for the radical. I love Jesus and I
miss my boyfriend and family like crazy. I know I have made life-long friends
in Costa Rica, and I also look forward to returning to my friends at home. This
walk in truth was not promised to be easy, but we also stand firm in the love
of God, that is in Christ Jesus, remembering the words of Paul, inspired by the
Holy Spirit of our God, Romans 8:18- “I consider that our present sufferings
are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”
WE PRESS ON!
