So Long for Now

Why haven’t I written my closing paper on leaving the mission field yet? Why am I putting it off and avoiding it? Why do I consider not even writing one all together? Because once I do, it will become official in my heart and mind. I have lived my life trying to avoid sadness and pain, but sometimes these feelings are necessary, and it’s okay.

            I have been living in Costa Rica for the last 6 months. It seems to outsiders like I have been on a great vacation going to the beach and having adventures, but no one knows my heart besides the Lord. No one knows the wild changes that have taken place in my personal life behind the scenes, behind the cameras, behind closed doors, in my very small bedroom in my 2-room apartment.

            Sure, God has done glamorous work on the outside of things. I have seen kids change their demeanor as the love of Christ continually penetrates their hearts every day. I have seen lovers of God being led in worship and sinners come to the cross of life in repentance. I have seen mountains being moved in the lives of my team-mates, as well as the mountains literally moving in the 7.6 earthquake I experienced. As the ground all around me shook and I clung to Caitie and the doorway to stay standing all I could think about was, “This is your power, O God. Let it shake.” I have seen healing, and restoration, the fruit of forgiveness and submission, and I have seen prayers being answered in abundance. But what else has happened that one cannot simply see? We know from Romans 1:20 that, “Since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities- his eternal power and divine nature-have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.” But we also have this. Hebrews 11:1- “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”

            There is a boy here named Gustavo. Now, Gustavo is beyond you’re average kid. Not even 10 years old he spends most of his time at a neighbor’s house down the street from his own, speed-riding bikes that are too big for his feet to reach the pedals, throwing rocks and sticks with surprising force into the branches of a mango tree to knock a fruit down, and terrorizing people younger than him, older than him, smaller than him, and those twice his size. We can tell Gustavo is outside because we hear his deep boisterous voice yelling at someone or something, even when everyone is standing right next to him. He has one speed; FAST, and he has one direction; CIRCLES. Like a lot of the other kids in the Potter’s Field program, little Gusty (Which he made clear I was not allowed to call him) has had a hard home life. He has trouble sitting still and quiet in class, and even more trying to contain himself from beating up the other kids. It has just become a part of his nature to fight, to yell, to demand, and to disobey. In April, Caitie and I put up a sign on our fridge, “Pray for Gustavo and family,” to remember to continue lifting them up to the Lord in our time serving in Costa Rica.

            Pastor Mike and Pam and the Potter’s Field Ministry tour visited my home church in May. My mom went with my family and some of her friends and at the end of the service one of her friends, Robin, decided she wanted to help sponsor the program. There were hundreds of pamphlets out on the sponsorship table, with pictures of the Potter’s Field Kids from three different countries in sealed envelopes waiting to be taken home by willing supporters. I received a message from my mother on facebook within the next week, “Robin wanted to sponsor Potter’s Field. Her prayer child is a boy named Gustavo, he’s from Costa Rica, do you know him?” My heart jumped. Surely the Lord knows who needs prayer, and surely He takes care of those who are being earnestly prayed for.

            I accept that I may never see the fruit of the work the Lord has done through me here in Costa Rica. I may never see the final product of all of the memory verses we ran through with Gustavo about the love of Christ for him, all of the songs about the joy of the Lord that were taught, and all of the kindness we were able to give through the power of the Holy Spirit. But we have a declarative promise from the Lord in Isaiah 55:11 that encourages us, “So is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.”

            There have been seeds sown here in the hearts of these little ones we’ve worked with, in Costa Rica with my team as well as in Africa and El Salvador with the rest of our 2012 ignite interns. These seeds will be watered as life goes on, and we need to trust God and remember that He is before all things and in Him all things hold together (Colossians 1:17). We think of the words of Paul in 1 Corinthians 3:7, “So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.”

            It is hard to admit that this season in my life is coming to a quick close. It has honestly been the fastest and longest 6 months of my life. Today, I look forward to the next year of my life. I have no job, and a small amount of money. I get to see my God-loving, and God-fearing, boyfriend in 7 days. Like me, as of now he has no money, and no job. As of today he doesn’t even have a place to stay when we return home. I have seen God’s power and faithfulness in situations such as this before, and am eager to see them again. I have my Jesus, my rock and my salvation, and therefore I have everything I need. Today, I am content within. I am excited for the next chapter of my life because I only expect to see God work in amazing ways. Even in the mundane, I pray for the radical. I love Jesus and I miss my boyfriend and family like crazy. I know I have made life-long friends in Costa Rica, and I also look forward to returning to my friends at home. This walk in truth was not promised to be easy, but we also stand firm in the love of God, that is in Christ Jesus, remembering the words of Paul, inspired by the Holy Spirit of our God, Romans 8:18- “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”

WE PRESS ON!

            

Birthday IBS

August 27, 2012

1 Corinthians 7:3- “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.”

Interpretation: What does this mean? And what, exactly is my marital duty to my husband? Ephesians 5:22 says, “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord,” and verse 33 says, “However, each of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” I am called to submit to my husband as to the Lord and also to respect him. In our culture the word “submit” sends shudders down our spines and can even put a feeling of slavery into our heads. But we must break this down Biblically. In the Godhead, there is the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. While all being separate, they are all one. In life, the Son submitted to the Father his whole entire walk, even to death on a cross. But it is important to bring to light that the Father loved the Son, and lead him to the cross only to resurrect him and bring life to all who believed. Submission can be slavery; Think of how often we submit to our sin. We know from John 8:34 that, "Everyone who sins is a slave to sin." But submission to the right constraints brings freedom. As a wife, I must be ready to die to myself and submit to the Godly man who will be my head, as Christ is the head of the church. When I do this as to the Lord, knowing with my own Spiritual discernment that the Lord will put someone who is hearing from Him in charge of my family, there will be peace. Love is more than just a feeling, love is strong, and unshakable, and committed. It is my duty to be all of these things to my husband, trusting that God has the right man for me who is going to give everything up for me, just as Christ did for the church.

Application: I will pray for a chance to submit to my authority today, as unto the Lord, and will do it joyfully knowing I am serving the living God. 

August 22, 2012 (39 Days Left)

        It’s pouring rain right now in Costa Rica. Caitie is at Puda Vida Church singing with Alex and Lizzie. Josh is practicing his finger picking on guitar. I’m sitting outside on a rocking chair. Our landlord's two dogs have adopted us now. Newton comes to me when I whistle to him and licks me till I push him away. Kayla is sitting outside of Josh’s apartment like a proud mama lion. Corey’s sheets hang on the clothesline. A familiar smell comes to me- like salt air on Cape Cod. I think of my grandfather and miss my youth. The rain makes me feel safe, like I’m closed into this little box, being hugged by the Lord. The thunder reminds me of who is in control. If I had to imagine the awe-struck terrifying glorious wonder of the Lord Almighty who spoke existence into being- I would imagine thunder would be a small scale of his presence. Yet the Lord speaks to us in gentle whispers. How mighty and mysterious is the One true living God. How curious that he loves us sinners so much as to do everything for us…to live as a human for us… and to die for us.

         I think of my time here in Costa Rica. It was hard. July was a hard month, it seemed to drag on and on. But now, entering August, it is hard to believe that it is already almost September, our month of returning to the States. But God is the master of time, and all things are in his complete control. There have been a lot of tears, a lot of brokenness, and a lot of joy and encouragement. All of the days of frustration and confusion melted away yesterday at Potter’s Field. One of the girls who comes every other week, Cindy, came and sat down next to me on the couch. She put her arm around me and whispered in my ear, “Te quiero mucho Megan.” My whole entire world could have stopped and I would only have one thing left to do to be complete- Praise Jesus.

        Tonight as I walked the muddy road from the church back to the apartments I found I didn’t have my usual heavy load on my shoulders. I am excited for the rest of my life. –and for me to die is GAIN!!!!! Jesus, thank you for this experience. Thank you for the hard lessons, thank you for everything that has brought me closer to you. I pray you continue to have your heart and hands on Costa Rica. I ask that you strengthen the next team to come as well as your servants here and their families.

        What do you have next for me I wonder Lord? I know things aren’t always clear-cut, but I trust you with my life. And you are always good. Even when things are bad Father, you are good.

         You are a mighty healer Lord. Continue to teach us, continue to train us, and continue to pour out your new mercies upon us every morning. I love you Abba, Father. I pray this faithfully and with thanksgiving and praise and expectation. In Jesus name, Amen!

Who is my master

August 20, 2012

1 Corinthians 6:12- “ ‘Everything is permissible for me’ – but not everything is beneficial. ‘Everything is permissible for me’- but I will not be mastered by anything.”

Interpretation: This verse seems to be Paul quoting an argument that people were making. In those days, one of the main sins was idol worship. Today, we don’t think of many people sacrificing animals to statues or praying to graven images. We don’t see any golden calves, and there are no high places built on the hills of cities. But the world hasn’t changed its ways of worship, it has simply changed its name and makeup. We may not sacrifice animals to “gods,” but we sacrifice our time to things like computer, music, other people, all over spending time with God. Golden calves take the place of golden jewelry and shiny cars, the high places in our lives include human philosophy, the media, and the approval of man. People were arguing that everything is permissible for them through freedom in Christ, and is Paul reminding them that not everything is beneficial. While we have freedom in our Christian life, we recognize that our freedom comes from submission to the right constraints. Paul writes in Romans 6:15- “What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means!” And enforces this in v. 21 with, “What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of?” Things are permissible because of God’s grace, but we must remember Romans 2:4, “Or did you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance, and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness leads you towards repentance?” We are no longer under the law, and therefore no longer slaves to sin. We are free under Christ who bought us out of slavery and took us into sonship and we must remember John 8:34-35 when Jesus says, “I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. Now a slave has no permanent place in the family but a son belongs to it forever.” Christ is our master, let us not be mastered by the desires of our sinful nature anymore.

Application: I am going to pray that God reveals to me things that I am mastered by today, and submit to him for my freedom; knowing that everything is permissible for me, but not all things are beneficial. 

Good News

August 13, 2012

1 Corinthians 6:9-10 “Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters not adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.”

Interpretation: I myself am guilty of a lot of these things; Sexual immorality, idolatry, thievery, greediness, drunkenness, swindling. And along with these, a whole other list of things I have done or failed to do sits written in the annals of the books of heaven, waiting for judgment. Or at least, they were until Jesus washed them all away, and replaced my mistakes and failures with his perfect life’s righteous atonement. So here’s the punch line- If the “wicked,” along with all others on this list, will not inherit the kingdom of God…we must realize that no one is going to be inheriting the kingdom of God!! 1 John 1:8-9 says, “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” Now who do we go off confessing to? Our friends whom we have wronged? Someone we trust? A priest in a confessional? Hebrews 2:17- “For this reason he had to be made like his brothers in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people.” Matthew 27:51- “At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook and the rocks split.” Jesus’ death on the cross tore the veil to the Holy of Holies that only a priest could enter once a year. We now no longer live under religion and the constraints of the law but through relationship and the submission to the Spirit. The word “confess” in the Bible does not mean simply to come clean, but “to agree with.” God knows that we are each sinners! That is why, in his great love and mercy, he sent himself as Jesus to pay the debt we could never fulfill, and to bring us back into peace and right standing with him by the blood of his Son. In v. 11 of this chapter Paul goes on to write, “And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” It is so important in the times we live in to see that “homosexuality” is written included on this list of other sins! It is so important to understand that God does not single it out! That may not be a sin that I personally struggle with but I have already named the ones that have affected me in my life! It is ALL the same to the Lord, and he loves everyone equally and his death is sufficient for everybody. We will never be able to stand before our Holy God based on our own merit for (Romans 3:23-24), “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came through Christ Jesus.” An unloving God wouldn’t allow for redemption. An unloving God wouldn’t give second chances, third, forth, and fifth. An unloving God is not who I serve. I serve the God of all love, and of all grace and power. We are justified through our faith in Jesus Christ, and when that faith is sprung alive and goes to work in our hearts, that is when our lives begin.

Application: Connect a link to my blog on facebook. 

Leavened Lumps

July 30, 2012

1 Corinthians 5:8- “Therefore let us keep the Festival, not with the old yeast, the yeast of malice and wickedness, but with bread without yeast, the bread of sincerity and truth.”

Interpretation: In v. 6 Paul tells us that “A little yeast works through the whole batch of dough.” In this verse, he goes on to tell us what the yeast represents. “Malice and wickedness.” I looked up the definition of malice and it said, “The intention, or desire to do evil.” “Wickedness” actually means the evil itself. If we keep this yeast of a little malice or a little wickedness in our lives, what can we expect now knowing that the yeast spreads through the whole batch of dough? The bread without yeast, or without malice or wickedness, is bread of sincerity and truth. I feel like that is where we all want to be; In a place of sincerity and truth. I know I do. But sometimes we can let even the seemingly tiniest of evil desires into our lives. It’s different for everyone; some people will be enticed by anger, some by jealousy, some by conceit. And we buy into these things and accept these things because we believe that they are going to get us somewhere positive, somewhere where we can feel justified, somewhere where we can have happiness and peace; we think that these things will lead us to sincerity and truth. In reality, according to this scripture, it is only the removal of those things that is going to get us to where we want to be! For malice and wickedness spread through our lives like yeast through dough, not leaving a part untainted.

Application: Continue to go through Galatians to let more of God’s word transform my life. 

Honestly how I'm Feeling

7/9/2012

1 Corinthians 4:8- “Already you have all you want! Already you have become rich! You have become kings- and that without us! How I wish that you really had become kings so that we might be kings with you!”

Interpretation: I have all I want. I think that I need a new shirt, or a watch. I’m excited to go home so I can have my own car, join a gym, and eventually have my own house and my own life and family. I have all I want. I think that I want to take new photos, go new places, and fill myself up with food and with drink, but I already have all I want. I miss my friends and my parents and I am excited to be with everyone again. I am excited to have a job again and make my own income, but, already I have become rich. With my eyes on the world and my heart on my self and I feel empty and full of desires and needs. But God will bring to the light what is hidden in the darkness and will expose the motives of men’s hearts. When I come to the cross, and I sit at the foot of Calvary, and I watch the blood drip out of the hands of Jesus, the Holy and mighty maker of all things, he looks unto me and only says, “I love you.” I do have all that I want. Love, mercy, grace, and understanding unending. I am rich beyond measure. Why do I get up and leave this place? To chase after gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, that will not stand through the test of the fire? And what do I have that I did not receive? And if I did receive it, why do I boast as though I did not? I sit back down today, cross-legged and free underneath the shadow of the wings of God, filled underneath the cross of sufficiency.

Application: Today I will look for things I can do, or things I can give away to others, instead of looking to take care of my own.